home from the hospital post birth -- what you should know

We tend to think that having a baby and bringing it home is all rainbows and cupcakes. The smell of a freshly birthed baby, the teeny tiny toes, the nursery you've been prepping for months, and you just can't wait to use that Dock-A-Tot you forced the husband to buy you against his will. The hospital prepped you with a few 'new mom' tips like: don't shake your baby, keep their diaper changed to prevent rashes & sores, and they make sure you have them properly buckled in their car seat before they let you leave.

All of that is awesome. You have a baby now. You're a mom. Good job.

But what happens when you get home? Along with those few tips from the hospital, they've also supplied you with adult diapers, mesh underwear that reach up past your belly button, numbing spray and small handful of pain killers. They're saying good luck with your vagina! use the pads that are as giant as your back for the bleeding! *thumbs up*

Sooo here are a few things you need to know when you get home for the first time with your new baby. Because nobody else will tell you how it really is. I love you though, so you're welcome.

Leakage From All The Places.

There is a reason they give you pads that big. You're gonna bleed and you're gonna bleed all over. My mom bought me huge granny panties for post birth and they were my best item (i wrote about them here), After my hospital grade mesh ones, obvi. Nipples, they be leakin' all over as well. Allll over. Not to mention the tightness, the itchiness, and the growth. Back off men these aren't for you! But seriously, if you tough them, I will hit you so hard in the throat and then cry for an hour on the floor. Lastly, your bladder will betray you. You'll unexpectedly pee your pants during a sneeze and it will change your life. Luckily, you have your pad on because, blood.

Sanitizer Anxiety.

This. I can't stress enough that THIS is such crap. You will inevitably have the worst anxiety of your life over freakin' sanitizer. We're protecting our daughter! Yes. Yes you are. But the anxiety you'll have over everyone sanitizing before holding her could kill a cow. Don't be ashamed. Embrace it because baby number two won't have this pleasure. 

Guests.

You know what is more exhausting than your actual baby? Yup.. guests. You love them though. Sorta. They are there with all the right intentions, they come bearing gifts and funny jokes (which make you pee a little), and they want that baby. Being the first time mom you are, you have turrets and yell sanitize! foaming at the mouth as you're throwing them their own personal bottles. You talk about how you can't believe you're a mom, how you couldn't imagine life without them, how tired you are, you compare birth stories, etc. They leave. Repeat cycle 14 times in the next 7-14 days. By this time, you will hate everyone. Lock ya doors, hide ya baby.

Foooooood. 

Okay see, the guests aren't that bad because they bring food. And not just your favorite candy wrapped in twine either. They bring meals, people! Especially if you're from Utah (holler), your neighborhood will organize meals and bring them out one day at a time. This part is amazing and you will feel like a rockstar. Sorry if you're not from Utah... I hope y'all have good neighbors. Otherwise, Jimmy Johns has freaky fast delivery.

You Smell.

I feel like I've known a couple women who have showered at the hospital before heading home. Not me. Both my births I've had an episiotomy (9-10lb babies ow), so I never even wanted to get up out of bed much less shower. So getting home, you are sticky, bloody, and you smell funky. Do you care? Nope! But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do because you just had a baby. Tip: use that phrase as much/as often as you can. And let's be honest, you don't have to worry about smelling good for at least 6 weeks -- if you know what I mean nudge nudge...

Lastly, 

Unconditional Love. 

You have this now. Between bleeding on your sheets, never noticing when your breast milk has leaked through your shirt, squirting water on your vagina like the nurse showed you, crying when your baby cries because you know they need to eat but your nipples hurt sooo baaad.. you have this unconditional love thing. It's got a lot of nerve showing up out of nowhere, right?

And your hormones aren't going to let you off easy either! You experienced these hormonal outbursts for 9 months previous, but they are not going anywhere anytime soon. Sorry husbands! Just love us. Let us cry, let us bitch, let us eat anything we want because if you don't we will kill you. And by kill you I mean, I'll start pumping and you can take over night feedings. Boom.

One piece of advice, don't ever worry that you can't do this. Your mom instincts will kick in and you are going to be the best mom your baby could ever ask for. They chose you. They were born to you. The stickier and smellier you are at the end of the day just goes to show how great of job you're doing. Because good moms never seem to have clean shirts on. And that's science.

What about you guys?

Any tips you can give new moms about coming home from the hospital?

Who else still wears their post birth grannies to bed? Anyone...? Don't hate me because I love comfort.

What was your post birth home experience like?

my biggest mom mistake

We're all guilty of being less than awesome moms at times, let's be straight up here. We can pretend all we want on our sites and social media, but we know. We all know. And that's okay! I mean, why do we have to pretend like we've got our shiz together allll the time? I've tried and it's exhausting. It's more exhausting pretending to be not exhausted from doing nothing but saying I've done everything. Wait..what? 

My biggest mom mistake to date is comparing myself to other moms on social media. On the surface, I'm like wow I want to be her! She always looks pretty, her kids always seem so happy, and those rugs! I want those rugs, too. What's a girl like me gotta do to have a $2500 rug in her hallway. Unthinkable things probably... I would tho.

But deep down I'm like that's not real life. It's like a magazine, not real. Okay, sometimes real, but most of the time, no. Filters are miracles. I mean there are a billion apps out there to make you go from Mama June to Charlize. Posting a photo on a Sunday afternoon taken 3 months ago and captioning it with some sort of philosophical poem. Faking happy is probably the easiest thing to do online. Not saying that's my problem, but being envious of someone else's "happiness" is a problem. 

And I wouldn't say it affects my parenting, but it affects me as a parent. I'm trying to be like a mom online that I don't know. I literally do not know this woman. I mean her bio says she loves coffee and Jesus.. but is it thee Jesus or is that her lover? I don't know. 

But it's tough being a mom, sometimes! I let my mind wander at night and I'm like damn! i've kept two kids alive for a combined 7.5 years. i'm awesome. even if i didn't look awesome doing it. And in the same thought I'm also remembering that the little one fell and hit her face probably 4 times that day and did she eat any of her dinner? I saw her chomping on a bag of chips, that counts I guess. Her older brother asked me, more than once, if licking ice on the ground outside is okay.. did I ever answer him? He probably licked the ice. Gross! Did they brush their teeth? One of them did for sure. I think. Then I remember that the baby ate my chapstick, too. Fuh okay so ailve-ish. I'll meet you in the middle.

Don't judge me with your judgey reading eyes.. your kid eats chapstick just like mine.

I read blog posts sometimes about how bad it is to let your child be "addicted" to technology. Although I do agree with this, sometimes it's not worth the fight. My littlest, she's the devil in the flesh, for real. So when she finds something she likes, I just let it happen and slooowly walk away. And if that's watching the Disney Junior app on her Kindle for 1, 2, 3 hours... I don't care. But the fact I'm second guessing myself because of this random mom who said she doesn't let her kids do it, is a little crazy. 

Like sometimes I'm super productive at stimulating their mind with nature & fresh air. Going for long walks and teaching them why the sky is blue or the grass green. Googling all of their questions like "why do we fart?" instead of pretending I can't hear them. The good mom stuff. 

And I feel like a queen on those days, like @happierandbetterparentthanyouhaha should see me now! (disclosure: not a real account. i looked) But the days I'm rebooting and cleaning up dried spaghetti off the walls from yesterday's tantrum, I have to remind myself.. this is normal. This is being a mom. Not posting pictures online about how happy I am or how perfect my kids are and how blessed I am to have them in my life.. that's rubbish. I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing dried sauce off the baseboards, I'm far from blessed. *sarcasm*

I feel like everyday we're doing our best as moms. We all beat to a different drum, and operate at different speeds. What works for some moms, might not work for you. Their kids might love mashed up banana and spinach smoothies while your kids love Doritos and dirt. It's okay. Be you. Parent your way. Your kids love you no matter how shabby your brows look. 

Not giving a flying eff whether they wear their pj's all day or not happens. Life happens. Mistakes happen. What's important is not to get caught up in trying to be someone else from social media. Don't be her. Be you. Because I've realized, they are the weird ones with perfect white carpet, clean windows, and kids that never have chocolate on their shirts. Not us. 

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this piece was featured on Hunt|West

9 things i've learned from my babies.

when i had my first baby, i couldn't believe the type of person i became. i cried at stuff.. like really weird stuff, i started noticing kids in stores and restaurants more and having sympathy for the tantrums they threw, and i started reading 'mom' posts. even while pregnant i would tell myself, i'm never going to read those mom posts, cause they're like so dumb. and then here i am. writing a mom post...

second baby comes and you just accept the fact that these new things you've acquired are just learned from being a mom. your babies have helped you develop into a mama. and that's something i love. so here are 9 things i've learned from my babies.

it's okay to look silly - seriously, i was the queen of baby talk! our babble conversations were/are constant. and don't even get me started on the faces. anything to engage in your baby and make them giggle, right?!

sing! even if you can't - my firstborn loved when i would sing to him. i've got the voice of a dying monkey let's be honest here.. but there was always something that would calm him down when i'd sing to him. now my #2? she's not amused at all when i sing. in fact, she just leaves the room.

indulge in little luxuries - what you take for granted when you're not a mom become luxuries afterwards. pooping alone. showering long enough to let the conditioner sit in your hair for a couple minutes. going to the grocery store alone. eating an entire cookie by yourself. you know, the important things.

separation anxiety is inevitable... - it just is. totally uncontrollable and irrational. my husband and i went to mexico for a week and i still want to cry remembering how felt when we left. it was the best week of my life in the worst kind of way.

and so are mothers instincts - my earliest memory for this was when drey was about one. we were walking down steps to a library and i had a armload of books in one hand and dreys hand in my other. i tripped, my signature walking, and my books were thrown to ground as i broke dreys fall with my body, never letting go of his hand. i replayed the situation in my head a couple times that day and i came to the conclusion that if drey wasn't with me, i probably would've like fallen all over my books and broke my arm haha. moms are superheros for real!

create happy traditions - even if it's something as small as making chocolate pancakes together every saturday morning. i mean, you are in charge of creating memories for your kids, that's a lot of pressure! but also so so cool. create traditions that they'll want to continue with their babies.

the days are long, but the years are short - i wish i had a video diary of everything they do. all day everyday. they learn so much in such a short time that i wish i could re-watch their life. this growing up thing goes by way too fast. 

cherish the little things - i am the worst morning person you'll ever meet, but those 5-10 minutes in bed when everyone is waking up and we're all snuggly and then the excitement when i flip on mickey mouse haha.. the best.

as long as they look good, you look good - here's a motto for ya, my kids are my best accessory. as long as my kids are lookin' fresh, clean, hip, happy, there is no reason for me to brush my hair, right? right. i take the time to make sure they don't look homeless and feral so i don't have to dress up. cause for real, as long as they look good sitting on my hip, i look good. and that's straight from buddah.

what are some things you've learned from your babies? 

why are we mom jerks to each other?

why are moms always trying to make other moms feel bad about how they are as people? how often do we see articles and posts circulating around facebook and blogs and pinterest written by moms who have a thing or two to say? too often. pretty much you come across a new one every week. but they circulate so fast because moms can relate! i see a lot of "needed THIS today!!" or "she said exactly what i was thinking!!" shares with popular blog posts about moms basically judging other moms in defense of their post that was, also, a judgement on mothers.   like you've got a lady that's over here telling you to put your iphone down because basically your kid and the whole world is judging you about how bad you suck. and then here comes a super mom saying if you want to be on an iphone it's fine because you're probably working, right?! clearly she's the mom on the iphone "working"... haha i kid i kid. i work on my iphone, too. it's called snapchat.
and then you have a mom writing a post about how, in a nutshell, she's lazy and hates cleaning. but twists it into you can't have a clean house and happy kids because that's just impossible. like, impossible. how do you make memories when you're vacuuming?! the answer is simple, you don't. but here comes another super mom defending all the clean freaks out there with her own post about how just because her house is spotless doesn't mean her kids aren't unhappy. she's only happy knowing that her toilet is clean, what's so bad about that? and btw, sometimes she lets her kids go crazy. like letting them sit on the couch. or letting them help make cookies and not cleaning up drizzle until after the cookies are in the oven instead of following them around with a rag. memories.
and then posts about formula vs breastfeeding. or vaginal birthing vs cesarean. or public schooling vs home school. or organic vs non-organic. or helicopter parenting. or raising your kid vegan. or stay at home parenting vs working parents. cloth diapers vs disposable diapers. co-sleeping vs not co-sleeping. or god forbid the dreaded vaccination vs anti-vaccination. 
moms (dads i'm not forgetting you, your time is coming) are always going to assume that whatever is best for their child, is best for yours too. they will always throw in their 2 cents, whether it's to your face while at the grocery store or online behind their computers. sometimes with honest and good intentions. but most times they're just being assholes because obviously they think your parenting is less than acceptable. and not just your parenting, but who you are as a person. like tattoo moms (holler). how are we going to teach our children morals when we have none? or moms with piercings (holler!). is that the kind of example we want to set for our sweet, beautiful, innocent babies? we have no respect for our bodies, so they won't either. or moms that occasionally let their kids have cake for breakfast (hollerrr) cause you're not in the mood to argue about why they freakin' can't have cake for breakfast. like, wow. you should be educated about diabetes because that's so unhealthy.
|| side note: i hate when someone tells you to "educate yourself" and "do some research". you know what trashy and classless phrase comes to mind when i hear that? ... fuck you... which wouldn't go well with the internet know-it-alls but that's what i'm thinking. end side note ||
you know those articles. i know you've at least come across one or two of them. and i know you've related and/or shared them somewhere on social media. 
but you know what? we don't need this. none of us need this. the one thing we all have in common is we are all MOTHERS. we are mom, mama, mum, mommy. we all started off with a baby that we had absolutely no clue what to do with. but eventually we all found our own special way to care for it. we're a team! we shouldn't criticize because of our sub-categories, we should be praising them.
my friends know i'm not the nicest person.. i'm a bit of an asshole sometimes. or all the time i don't know. so what i'm saying is, is i can be better at what i'm preaching. and if i can do it, so can you.   i have a hard time going into a spotless house and saying something positive tho.. i usually spat out what do you do with your life besides clean? is this why your kids hate you? because that's not nice and i doubt all of their kids hate them. 
so. moral of this post.. be nice to each other. please shut up with all the "dear mom on the iphone" bullshit. it's degrading and mean and you're being an asshole. be on your iphone, don't be on your iphone. vax, don't vax. let your kid eat off the floor or don't. it's nobody else's business and you damn well don't need clarification from a stranger.
disclaimer: i know i sound like one, but i am not a therapist. this advice is free. actually it's not advice, it's just ramble because i'm not a hypocrite.

i don't like sharing my donuts.

us moms, we're all the same. we all want just a little alone time while we pee, a little quiet for 5 minutes at least once a week, and obviously to never share our treats. i don't think that's too much to ask for, right? right?!

i don't like diet coke. i've never thought it tasted good & there's nothing about it that i enjoy. except.. when it's someone else's. i'm always drinking out of my moms can or freshly poured fountain cup because it's just so yummy! and she's always saying get your own! thinking about having my own diet coke, though? ew. okay where did i set down my dr. pepper...?

now that i have a little weasel of my own taking everything that's just for me, i understand. i can't eat anything that i want to hoard for myself in front of my son. his little grimy hands come out of nowhere! he steals all of my treats. right in front of my face.

i don't like sharing my sprinkle donuts. or my chocolate peanut butter cupcakes. or my mint chocolate chip ice cream cone.

but i'm a mom and i have to. it's called sacrifice. look it up, it's in the thing.

unless i'm hiding in a closet, locking myself in my car, kneeling down in the corner of the kitchen and shoving an entire cupcake in mouth, i have to share. and i'm not okay with that. when we're out and about & i say hey drey, want a treat? and he picks out his treat, i pick out my treat. but once we're home, his treat isn't good enough for him anymore and he wants mine. all of it. all of the sudden it's his treat and i can't even get a bite. and i don't want to trade because his treat is something weird and somehow he's already managed to get dirt all over it. and that is a real mom struggle.

sometimes though, sometimes! i get lucky.

do you think i enjoy eating my delicious donut on the floor next to the washer? or late at night when i've already brushed my teeth and i know nobody can hear me opening the package? or in a room that i think is empty and then i hear running of little feet and shouting MOM WHAT ARE YOU EATING?! and then i have to extend my leg out straight to stop him from reaching up and snagging my special treat that i'd been hoarding for hours. no, but.. yea. i didn't have to share, holler.

and don't even get me started on alone time. there is no such thing when you're a stay at home mom. i've talked all about that in a post here. and i mean, it's fine. i'd much rather skip out on alone time than have to share my treats. amiright?

but in the end, i share. actually it's more like worse case scenario when i'm found hiding then i have to share. and that's okay. i guess....

and yes, sometimes when the crumbs are big enough, i eat those off the floor as my 4yr old is tearing apart my giant frosted sugar cookie he took from me. i've got no shame, people. #thuglife

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linking up with 'the so-called homemaker' for |mamas tell all|

being a mama.

i have to tell you guys, when tyler & i first found out i was pregnant, i was totally unprepared & a little upset. we were newly married, in the middle of finals, tyler being recruited for football, swapping schools... it was a little bit of a mess. adding a baby? ahhh!

tyler was so sweet & strong about our news. we were sitting on the bathroom floor staring at the pregnancy stick with those obvious double pink lines staring right at me. he stood up & said, well. we're going to have a baby. it is what it is, em. he smiled, helped me up and gave me the best hug ever.

fast forward 9 months {+1 week, he was late!} and i'm holding my sleeping baby boy in arms. i was a mom. it felt so perfect & natural. why did i ever doubt myself? why did i think i wasn't capable of loving a child so much? and i kept thinking how does anything compare to this? this new life i brought into the world. it's simple. nothing compares to that. you can sure try, but good luck!

fast forward a couple years & here we are now. i'd be lying if i said motherhood was easy. it's the hardest thing i've done in my life thus far. it's messy, it's stinky, it takes every piece of you. with that being said, it's the hardest thing i've ever done with the sweetest rewards i could ever imagine. my 3 {almost 4!} year old son is the center of our world. and our undying love for him makes me want to cry.  before i was worried about not being capable of loving him enough. now, i wonder how any human is able to love someone so much. 

he's the first thing i think about every morning and the last thought before i drift off to sleep at night. teaching your child. raising your child. watching your child grow. it's surreal to me sometimes. i made him! my heartbeat was what kept him alive while inside me those 9 short months. now, his heartbeat is what keeps me alive. and that smile! swoooon.

i tell drey i love him about 100+ times a day. but what is love to a 3yr old? i've asked him what he thinks love means or is and these are things he's said:

"it's like...when I get a new dinosaur"

"it's what you do to me, mom! you love me!"

"love? to the moon & back?"

"when i watch jurassic park! i LOVE jurassic park!"

"love is when i love my candy. i love candy. do you love candy?"

and my personal favorite, i asked him if he knew what love was...

"i think it's when you & dad say you love me & i say 'love you too' and then we are happy"

pretty much, he nailed it.

happy mother's day to all you special mama's. especially mine, the most special of all.

~~~~~~

and she loved a little boy very, very much. even more than she loved herself.

-the giving tree, shel silverstein

photography via

kirstin roper photography

I just may die.

You heard it here first people.

I may not survive the next FOUR days.

Why you ask?

Because my baby, THIS FACE...

is leaving me for FOUR whole days.

It's the longest I've ever been away from him.

He's off to have some grandparent time.

I wonder if he'll even miss me?

How will I ever survive without my little mister you ask?

A whole lot of my drug of choice...

and some working, some trash TV and a whole lot of junk food.

Wish me luck...

Throwback: Maternity pics

I would've never gotten these on my own.

But one of my bestest girlfriends gifted me with a session & so obviously, I had to do it.

I'm so happy she made me do it!

  I look back and just loveeee them. Thanks muffy!

These were chosen at random because they are seriously ALL my fave.
Oh and don't judge my pudgy face, okay?!
Focus on my belly....

Are you THAT crazy mom??

This morning we hit a community Easter Egg Hunt at the park here where I live.

We arrived early, found a spot on the sideline, and waited patiently until the ding.

I was pointing out the brightly colored eggs all around the area and telling him that

was where he needed to head to. He was SO excited & couldn't wait to run for it!

Unfortunately, his excitement didn't last long. Amongst all the happy kids were greedy

moms & dads.... mostly moms. And they were CRAZY ASS BITCHES for some candy.

Mostly I blame the city people for not having very many eggs.. However, the immaturity

on the parental side of things didn't help out the situation either. Grimy & selfish...

I'm serious people! Grown WOMEN were running around like nut jobs grabbing eggs

for their kids before the kids themselves could get to them. Including my sweet little man.

This was his first big Easter hunt & it was ruined because of out of control parents.

He walked out of that park carrying his football basket the same way it came in.... 

Empty.

I tried making it up to him by letting him have one of his Easter gifts early AND cookies before lunch.

Because after hearing "mom where all my eggs go?" over & over during the hunt, I'd do pretty much anything for him.