being a mama.

i have to tell you guys, when tyler & i first found out i was pregnant, i was totally unprepared & a little upset. we were newly married, in the middle of finals, tyler being recruited for football, swapping schools... it was a little bit of a mess. adding a baby? ahhh!

tyler was so sweet & strong about our news. we were sitting on the bathroom floor staring at the pregnancy stick with those obvious double pink lines staring right at me. he stood up & said, well. we're going to have a baby. it is what it is, em. he smiled, helped me up and gave me the best hug ever.

fast forward 9 months {+1 week, he was late!} and i'm holding my sleeping baby boy in arms. i was a mom. it felt so perfect & natural. why did i ever doubt myself? why did i think i wasn't capable of loving a child so much? and i kept thinking how does anything compare to this? this new life i brought into the world. it's simple. nothing compares to that. you can sure try, but good luck!

fast forward a couple years & here we are now. i'd be lying if i said motherhood was easy. it's the hardest thing i've done in my life thus far. it's messy, it's stinky, it takes every piece of you. with that being said, it's the hardest thing i've ever done with the sweetest rewards i could ever imagine. my 3 {almost 4!} year old son is the center of our world. and our undying love for him makes me want to cry.  before i was worried about not being capable of loving him enough. now, i wonder how any human is able to love someone so much. 

he's the first thing i think about every morning and the last thought before i drift off to sleep at night. teaching your child. raising your child. watching your child grow. it's surreal to me sometimes. i made him! my heartbeat was what kept him alive while inside me those 9 short months. now, his heartbeat is what keeps me alive. and that smile! swoooon.

i tell drey i love him about 100+ times a day. but what is love to a 3yr old? i've asked him what he thinks love means or is and these are things he's said:

"it's like...when I get a new dinosaur"

"it's what you do to me, mom! you love me!"

"love? to the moon & back?"

"when i watch jurassic park! i LOVE jurassic park!"

"love is when i love my candy. i love candy. do you love candy?"

and my personal favorite, i asked him if he knew what love was...

"i think it's when you & dad say you love me & i say 'love you too' and then we are happy"

pretty much, he nailed it.

happy mother's day to all you special mama's. especially mine, the most special of all.

~~~~~~

and she loved a little boy very, very much. even more than she loved herself.

-the giving tree, shel silverstein

photography via

kirstin roper photography