i used to think fashion bloggers were so annoying, pretentious, narcissistic etc... i mean, some are kay. they've got a whole lot of nothing going on and people eat. it. up. but now i think they're just annoying, not so much those other words. you love taking pictures of yourself in different outfits, and people love looking at you in different outfits. nothing narcissistic about that is there. i mean, most make a living out of it so jokes on us.
anyways. am i doing this right? asking for a friend.
We tend to think that having a baby and bringing it home is all rainbows and cupcakes. The smell of a freshly birthed baby, the teeny tiny toes, the nursery you've been prepping for months, and you just can't wait to use that Dock-A-Tot you forced the husband to buy you against his will. The hospital prepped you with a few 'new mom' tips like: don't shake your baby, keep their diaper changed to prevent rashes & sores, and they make sure you have them properly buckled in their car seat before they let you leave.
All of that is awesome. You have a baby now. You're a mom. Good job.
But what happens when you get home? Along with those few tips from the hospital, they've also supplied you with adult diapers, mesh underwear that reach up past your belly button, numbing spray and small handful of pain killers. They're saying good luck with your vagina! use the pads that are as giant as your back for the bleeding! *thumbs up*
Sooo here are a few things you need to know when you get home for the first time with your new baby. Because nobody else will tell you how it really is. I love you though, so you're welcome.
Leakage From All The Places.
There is a reason they give you pads that big. You're gonna bleed and you're gonna bleed all over. My mom bought me huge granny panties for post birth and they were my best item (i wrote about them here), After my hospital grade mesh ones, obvi. Nipples, they be leakin' all over as well. Allll over. Not to mention the tightness, the itchiness, and the growth. Back off men these aren't for you! But seriously, if you tough them, I will hit you so hard in the throat and then cry for an hour on the floor. Lastly, your bladder will betray you. You'll unexpectedly pee your pants during a sneeze and it will change your life. Luckily, you have your pad on because, blood.
This. I can't stress enough that THIS is such crap. You will inevitably have the worst anxiety of your life over freakin' sanitizer. We're protecting our daughter! Yes. Yes you are. But the anxiety you'll have over everyone sanitizing before holding her could kill a cow. Don't be ashamed. Embrace it because baby number two won't have this pleasure.
You know what is more exhausting than your actual baby? Yup.. guests. You love them though. Sorta. They are there with all the right intentions, they come bearing gifts and funny jokes (which make you pee a little), and they want that baby. Being the first time mom you are, you have turrets and yell sanitize! foaming at the mouth as you're throwing them their own personal bottles. You talk about how you can't believe you're a mom, how you couldn't imagine life without them, how tired you are, you compare birth stories, etc. They leave. Repeat cycle 14 times in the next 7-14 days. By this time, you will hate everyone. Lock ya doors, hide ya baby.
Okay see, the guests aren't that bad because they bring food. And not just your favorite candy wrapped in twine either. They bring meals, people! Especially if you're from Utah (holler), your neighborhood will organize meals and bring them out one day at a time. This part is amazing and you will feel like a rockstar. Sorry if you're not from Utah... I hope y'all have good neighbors. Otherwise, Jimmy Johns has freaky fast delivery.
I feel like I've known a couple women who have showered at the hospital before heading home. Not me. Both my births I've had an episiotomy (9-10lb babies ow), so I never even wanted to get up out of bed much less shower. So getting home, you are sticky, bloody, and you smell funky. Do you care? Nope! But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do because you just had a baby. Tip: use that phrase as much/as often as you can. And let's be honest, you don't have to worry about smelling good for at least 6 weeks -- if you know what I mean nudge nudge...
You have this now. Between bleeding on your sheets, never noticing when your breast milk has leaked through your shirt, squirting water on your vagina like the nurse showed you, crying when your baby cries because you know they need to eat but your nipples hurt sooo baaad.. you have this unconditional love thing. It's got a lot of nerve showing up out of nowhere, right?
And your hormones aren't going to let you off easy either! You experienced these hormonal outbursts for 9 months previous, but they are not going anywhere anytime soon. Sorry husbands! Just love us. Let us cry, let us bitch, let us eat anything we want because if you don't we will kill you. And by kill you I mean, I'll start pumping and you can take over night feedings. Boom.
One piece of advice, don't ever worry that you can't do this. Your mom instincts will kick in and you are going to be the best mom your baby could ever ask for. They chose you. They were born to you. The stickier and smellier you are at the end of the day just goes to show how great of job you're doing. Because good moms never seem to have clean shirts on. And that's science.
What about you guys?
Any tips you can give new moms about coming home from the hospital?
Who else still wears their post birth grannies to bed? Anyone...? Don't hate me because I love comfort.
We're all guilty of being less than awesome moms at times, let's be straight up here. We can pretend all we want on our sites and social media, but we know. We all know. And that's okay! I mean, why do we have to pretend like we've got our shiz together allll the time? I've tried and it's exhausting. It's more exhausting pretending to be not exhausted from doing nothing but saying I've done everything. Wait..what?
My biggest mom mistake to date is comparing myself to other moms on social media. On the surface, I'm like wow I want to be her! She always looks pretty, her kids always seem so happy, and those rugs! I want those rugs, too. What's a girl like me gotta do to have a $2500 rug in her hallway. Unthinkable things probably... I would tho.
But deep down I'm like that's not real life. It's like a magazine, not real. Okay, sometimes real, but most of the time, no. Filters are miracles. I mean there are a billion apps out there to make you go from Mama June to Charlize. Posting a photo on a Sunday afternoon taken 3 months ago and captioning it with some sort of philosophical poem. Faking happy is probably the easiest thing to do online. Not saying that's my problem, but being envious of someone else's "happiness" is a problem.
And I wouldn't say it affects my parenting, but it affects me as a parent. I'm trying to be like a mom online that I don't know. I literally do not know this woman. I mean her bio says she loves coffee and Jesus.. but is it thee Jesus or is that her lover? I don't know.
But it's tough being a mom, sometimes! I let my mind wander at night and I'm like damn! i've kept two kids alive for a combined 7.5 years. i'm awesome. even if i didn't look awesome doing it.And in the same thought I'm also remembering that the little one fell and hit her face probably 4 times that day and did she eat any of her dinner? I saw her chomping on a bag of chips, that counts I guess. Her older brother asked me, more than once, if licking ice on the ground outside is okay.. did I ever answer him? He probably licked the ice. Gross! Did they brush their teeth? One of them did for sure. I think. Then I remember that the baby ate my chapstick, too. Fuh okay so ailve-ish. I'll meet you in the middle.
Don't judge me with your judgey reading eyes.. your kid eats chapstick just like mine.
I read blog posts sometimes about how bad it is to let your child be "addicted" to technology. Although I do agree with this, sometimes it's not worth the fight. My littlest, she's the devil in the flesh, for real. So when she finds something she likes, I just let it happen and slooowly walk away. And if that's watching the Disney Junior app on her Kindle for 1, 2, 3 hours... I don't care. But the fact I'm second guessing myself because of this random mom who said she doesn't let her kids do it, is a little crazy.
Like sometimes I'm super productive at stimulating their mind with nature & fresh air. Going for long walks and teaching them why the sky is blue or the grass green. Googling all of their questions like "why do we fart?" instead of pretending I can't hear them. The good mom stuff.
And I feel like a queen on those days, like @happierandbetterparentthanyouhaha should see me now! (disclosure: not a real account. i looked) But the days I'm rebooting and cleaning up dried spaghetti off the walls from yesterday's tantrum, I have to remind myself.. this is normal. This is being a mom. Not posting pictures online about how happy I am or how perfect my kids are and how blessed I am to have them in my life.. that's rubbish. I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing dried sauce off the baseboards, I'm far from blessed. *sarcasm*
I feel like everyday we're doing our best as moms. We all beat to a different drum, and operate at different speeds. What works for some moms, might not work for you. Their kids might love mashed up banana and spinach smoothies while your kids love Doritos and dirt. It's okay. Be you. Parent your way. Your kids love you no matter how shabby your brows look.
Not giving a flying eff whether they wear their pj's all day or not happens. Life happens. Mistakes happen. What's important is not to get caught up in trying to be someone else from social media. Don't be her. Be you. Because I've realized, they are the weird ones with perfect white carpet, clean windows, and kids that never have chocolate on their shirts. Not us.
i have a confession. i lie sometimes when it comes to fashion. but i do it out of love.. and comedy. because it's fun to tell people lies about where you get your stuff. you find out who the materialistic hoes are and the 180 reactions are amazing.
this past halloween at my witch fest adventure, i was looking for a choker to wear. i stopped at a few places in the mall and was surprised by how pricey they were! a little piece of string for $30 to go around my neck? yea right, claire's! no thanks, Macy! playin' me for a fool. i can go to blue boutique and get one with spikes on it and a leash for less than that.. i'm guessing. i mean i don't really know..
so anyways, i went home and dug through my craft bin and found a black ribbon. bam. choker. and you know what? i've never gotten more compliments on a necklace in my entire life. every time i wear it, at least one person will ask where i got it. "oh this? nordstrom!" "really?! it's SO cute!" other times i'll tell the truth "straight out of a bin dude, it's literally just tied around my neck and tucked in my shirt" "oh really? oh. okay thanks" *insert fake smile*
one time i was wearing it and it had rotated to the front without my knowing (so the knot and long ties were falling casually down my front), and this girl said "oh that's different! i love how your necklace does that..." i was like whaaa and reached up, realizing what happened and i played it off like yea thanks! then she asked where i bought it. i told her hot topic (kind of a goth-ish store, i'm too scared to go in one.. skulls scare me. anyways) and she lit up and said "they have the best fashion, i love that place." do they though?
anyone shop at kmart? i do. hell yes i do. my mom and i have the found the cutest things there. and their shoes.. so cute you guys! for realsies. so i have these little booties that are like my go-to shoe. i wear them with everything! my salon i used to go to, there was a girl who always complimented my stuff. just randomly, i think she was programmed to just say how cute you look i don't know ha. so she told me my shoes were cute and asked where they came from. "kmart!" her reaction was like when you let out a stank fart and you don't say anything and the person next to you gets that double chin, tries to not make eye contact and you can tell they aren't breathing.. it was like that. "oh.. cool" of course kmart is yucky, don't go there. ever.
but what's funny about that girl, is a few weeks later i go back in and she goes "oh my gosh your shoes!? so cute. where did you get them?" "nordstrom!" "SO cute! i need to go there! they are so cute!" pff.. yea go to nordstrom little girl. you basssic.
i have a backpack i use as my purse, it's basically my everything bag. i've gotten different reactions with that, too. it's from target, but i'll sometimes say nordstrom. what is my obsession with nordstrom? i don't know.. i really don't shop there because i have kmart.. but when i say it's from nordstrom, the high pitch so cute! is a little more high pitch haha and they're so happy. it's just a black leather back pack! but somehow it's more awesome coming from nordstrom.
and does anyone else feel weird when someone asks oh who makes this? as in, a designer. as in, someone a little more ritzy and than jaclyn smith. as in, not american eagle. cause i feel weird like uuhh the tag says attention so whoever that is. you're not E! news and i'm not heidi klum, kay. i'm poor.
so what about you guys?
do you give fashion credit where it's not supposed to be?
is messing with people your thing?
are you a liar?
does anyone have a shop they just love? there is literally nothing they have that you don't like. that shop, for me, is hello apparel! i've been obsessed since their very start and i pretty much everything they've sold. it's a sick obsession and i refuse treatment.
this pullover is one of their classics. they originally had only 4 different colors: blue, red, black, and green (and yes, i have them all). they are so so so so soft and comfy. they wash incredibly well and it's still just as soft as the day i got it almost 4ish (5?) years ago. since then they've included: navy, dusty pine, a pullover hoodie, and holiday appropriate styles! alkdfhaerhhf! i hate when they come out with new styles cause i'm like well damn i needthat too. here are all their sweaters, check them out for real.
they now also have a plethora of fun apparel in their shop. and every single piece is just as soft as their sweaters. not to mention the fun sayings and cute designs they have on their tees (and yes, i have them all,mostly)! i'm telling you, obsessed. can't stop, wont stop. my husband wants to kill me.
so today, i'm giving away theirclassic hello pullover! like i said before, it's so soft, so comfy and so easy to throw on with everything. i've worn their sweaters just about every single way imaginable and i looked adorable, obvi. just look at me. insert side eye smirk emoji.
one other thing i love, a lot of their apparel is unisex. which is why i became hooked so easily in the first place i think. i love the baggy, comfy, lazy feel of everyday life, so basically i'm always in the mood for their unisex tees. they also have 'ladies' fit, but those aren't my most fave. still have them tho haha. #wannabeposterchild
i'm wearing a small here. it's the perfect fit for baggy, but not too baggy. i have a medium in black and it's a little more baggy that i can easily throw on with leggings and feel like a rock star.
aaaand.. wait for it... they also have kids apparel! yup. you're welcome.
so enter using the rafflecopter below and good luck! if you made your way to my site from my instagram, make sure you snag your 'free instagram entry'!