is your kid as annoying as mine?

i love my son. he's the best little person i know. he's smart, he's witty, he's creative, he's adorable, he has his daddy's tender heart.. but he's also so. damn. annoying. this stage in life he's at, i'm telling you, it's exhausting! every day at some point i want to slam my head into a wall to drown out his constant talking. the kid never shuts up, never stops asking questions, never stops. like right now(and has been for the last hour), he's driving two cars back and forth on the kitchen counters, screaming, making boy noises, crashing them together, running in circles, story-telling to anyone who will listen as he goes.. and no matter how many times i say hey drey, not so loud or hey play that somewhere else or hey bud, no more throwing cars it still continues. and then the pauses every 30 seconds during playtime to ask a question that has to have an answer right then or it will be repeated 200 times. real questions i've gotten the past 8 minutes:

mom what would happen if these wheels popped off these cars?! 
can glass get burned by fire? will fire burn glass?! can it?
how do you spell 'BAM'?
does our car fly? mine do. does yours? mom does it? mom?
MOM I NEED A DRINK! CAN I HAVE A DRINK?!
if dinosaurs were alive, would they be nice?
mom can cop cars fly?! they're cops! can they fly?!
will you help me build a fort? MOM I NEED A FORT FOR MY ANIMALS!
is it nighttime? mom? is it nighttime?
mom? mom? mom? mom?! .. can i have a snack?
mom what equals 2 plus 2?
what equals 2 plus 2 plus 2 plus a billion?
who builds houses?
animals don't talk, huh? they can't. do animals talk?
mom i found a sticker. that's funny! what is this sticker? where did it come from? mom?
does full blast mean a lot of blasting? or just full blast?
what's 'ow' mean? does it mean you're hurt? mom? mom?
mom who's optimus prime?
who is worser at fighting, dad or a t-rex?
dad is? why? why would dad lose? mom?! why would dad lose?
what spells 'h j k' ?
do kids in japan like being in japan? can they swim?
how do you make fire? what IS fire? mom! what is fire? flames and what else?
can i play play-doh?

all day. this is my life.

and i hate getting mad. i hate raising my voice to get my seriousness across. i hate it. but the thug life chose me & sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. like when we're fighting about lunch.. i'm begging him to eat his carrots & he's claiming he hates carrots. what i want to say: holy shit! eat your damn carrots!!  what i actually say: dreydan! eat your carrots, now. please. *serious face* 20 minutes & 2 more arguments later, carrots have been choked down. success.

time to leave the house. mom where are we going? why do we have to leave? are we going to the park? can we go to the park? mom are you taking me to the park? how long will we be gone? mom can i wear my red jordans? how many toys can i bring? is dad coming? i'm hungry, can we take snacks? how. long. are. we. going. to. be. gone?  *inhaling deeply and praying to anybody to shut him up before i throw myself in front of a car*  mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? mom?  *mother of god*  mom? mom?! mom?! MOM!

and you know that meme where the little hand is sticking under the door and it captions "bathroom break, they will find you"... i mean it's not even funny it's so true. i'm followed e v e r y w h e r e around the house. and then he sits outside the bathroom asking if i'm pooping if i happen to be in there longer than 4 seconds. and then wiggles the door handle to see if it's locked. and then asks again if i'm pooping. and then knocks. and then wiggles the door handle again asking why the door is locked. and then claims he needs to pee too but refuses to use another bathroom and repeats just hurry! over and over.

all day. my life.

and can we talk about the things he refuses to do on his own even though he's totally old enough?

putting on his own clothes - i have to beg. he's either a paraplegic or someone having a seizure when it comes to dressing him. and then the bickering dreydan HELP! dreydan stand up! dreydan stop moving and put your socks on! dreydan put your toys down and get your arm through! obviously he ignores me & instead asks questions about why it's raining or how many feathers are there in a pillow.
wiping his own butt - when he's done he yells mom i'm done! and will sit there until i come in to wipe for him. his argument is he "can't get it all".. he can though, he's just lazy as hell. lately i've been fighting back more and we've compromised with me checking to make sure he did. but seriously?
picking up his own toys - i partially blame myself for this. sometimes it's better to forgo the fight and just do it on my own. but he thinks he's king now & is too good to gather his toys after he's thrown them all over the house. i can almost hear him mumble slave under his breath as he watches me reach under the couch as far as i can go to snag that god forsaken lego.
brushing his own teeth - i've always been a crack head about his teeth and i've always done it for him. i want to make sure they're clean! but he's old enough to brush his teeth now, right? he won't. his arms get tired, it hurts when he has to do it, they're clean enough, he's been brushing them for hours.. the list goes on of excuses he can come up with. i guess i can blame myself for this, too? damnit.

all of these he's perfectly capable to do on his own, but refuses. because he sucks & must hate me.

but when i finally get some time to myself, like going to the grocery store alone or tyler taking drey to park for a little while, i find myself craving that little annoying child. i may not want him around me all the time but i need him around me. i need his questions, i need his yelling when he's stuck in an imaginary world, i need the shadow of everywhere i go.

like i said before, this stage in life he's at right now is exhausting, but it feels so good. he's the biggest part of who i am and my life would be near nothing without him annoying the hell out of me all day. he's my baby. he's my best little friend (except i'm not his, his daddy is. bros before hoes) and i miss him when he's not around. and randomly during a series of 1000 questions he'll surprise me with hey mom? i love you and then i melt & swoon and everything is forgiven. and that smart little jerk knows it.

so tell me. is your child as annoying as mine?