Sunday, January 5

Resolutions are retarded.

Do I plan to change my eating habits in the New Year?
Okay I'll be real for 7 seconds... Ideally, sure. Why not! I'd love to.
IDEALLY I'd love to be like "hey honey you know what sounds so good right now? a bunch of shit
thrown in a juicer, juicin' it, and then drinkin' it. mmmm!"
But no. That doesn't sound good to me. The only time I want 13 different ingredients thrown in a blender
is when I'm 89 years old & my grandkids have to puree my meals before giving it to me.
I don't like eating to just put food in my belly because it's "healthy". Nothing pisses me off more than when I waste precious belly space on something I don't like.
I like to eat what I'm hungry for. When I'm full, I'll stop.
And if I want 4 DP's to chase down my pizza, I'm gonna drink them damnit!
I haven't contracted obesity yet {knock on wood!} so I think I'm doing something right...
My grandma always said, "it's not about what you eat, it's about how much of it you eat".
Cool grandma. Now go make me some delicious fudge.

Any workout tips to get you back in shape after the holidays?
Yea. Run.
I haven't looked into statistics or done any myself or whatever.. But I think running/jogging could single
handedly cure our obesity problems in America. Along with smaller meal portions but eh..
Seriously tho. Run that fatass around the block everyday and you'll see results. I'm no Jillian, but I know
results when I see them. I know, I hate running too. But you have to do it....

What is my favorite thing I did over the holidays?
Psh. Easy. Getting presents. WTF was yours?

What is something I hope I can accomplish in 2014 that I did not in 2013?
Ughhh I'm so lazy. I hope to not accomplish shit this year.
Oh and can I say that almost every bloggers resolutions that I've read have said "I HOPE TO BLOG MORE!!!!" Along with a sunny meadow gif with rainbows & butterflies.. Bitch you blog a post EVERY. DAY. How much more can you do? Juuuust sayin'.

Name 3 things happening this year that I'm excited about & why.
Here's the thing about THAT.
If I tell you everything now, it won't be as fun to talk about later.
Plus, you guys will be so bored.
And I'll prob get comments like Well hot damn Emily!! You talked about this back in January! F&%K YOU!
Nobody wants comments like that.
I'll just keep my happenings to myself & if you love me like I think you do, you'll stick around for them.

Linking up with Ashley for Sunday Social.

 photo EmilySignature_zps0043f664.png


  1. I'm sure you meant well but seriously..... retarded doesn't mean stupid. Using that word hurts people with disabilities. You're a mom. Your kids shouldn't hear slurs that mock others. Here's hoping you'll consider another word the next time you write about stupid.

    1. Well said. It also hurts mamas of children with disabilities, I know from personal experience. :( Just not a good word to sling around.

  2. This post was hilarious and seriously true

  3. EVERY word used can have negative connotations. If emily was referring to a child, or a disabled person, it would be offensive. However, using the adjective 'retarded' in reference to an activity, is totally acceptable. "retarded" means: "Occurring or developing later than desired or expected; delayed." She also used the word "fat', which is some circles is offensive. Telling people who are overweight to exercise can be offensive. Its time to stop the political correctness nonsense.

    1. I don't believe she meant that resolutions are delayed. She meant resolutions are stupid but choose to use retarded as pejorative. This has nothing to do with political correctness and everything to do with showing respect to people with disabilities who get what you mean when you use it. No one is taking away your right to use the word. Just asking you politely to lose a word that causes a vulnerable population great pain. You shouldn't have to have a family member with an Intellectual Disability to get what I'm saying.

    2. Discussing the use of the word "retarded" is RETARDED. Seriously. This is the reason we have the issues in this country we do right now. If you don't like it. Remove yourself from reading this blog. We have members of our family who have disabilities. Is this word offensive to me? No. Retarded is a word society no longer uses for children with learning disabilities. I believe my pediatrician uses "Delayed". Get off of this blog if you don't like what she said. Why does I only have to be intellectual? Where are the physical delays? Where does the political correctness end? For ends RIGHT HERE!

  4. Ohhhhhhh my god you are such an asshole and I LOVE IT! I seriously almost choked/peed my pants reading this.
    Stopping by from the link up & so glad I did! <3


  5. I don't think you should follow someone's blog and then post about how you don't like what she said on her own blog. She was clearly not trying to be offensive and if you took offense then maybe you should do some soul searching because not all people are bad in a shitty world with bad intentions. Ya it's slang but so is gay and I'll probably say 'that's gay' til I die, but if someone started saying 'that's so straight' I wouldn't jump to conclusions and take offense. There are much worse things in the world than the way people use words...on a blog.... Don't let them cut you so deeply.

    1. No one said anyone was bad. I simply said that using retarded as slang hurts people with disabilities. Can you think of one example when retarded was used as a compliment? It's always an insult and it targets people who are asking you to stop. We all have the right to free speech. You to use gay or any other slur you choose. I also believe in my right to free speech, and to speak out when I see language that is outdated and hurtful.

    2. Listen. I appreciate your input, I really do. Free speech it up, girl! I'm not here to confront, argue or in any way try to tell you that what you're saying is wrong. Because you know what, I'm just not that kind of gal. I can handle opinions & I tolerate them when they aren't the same as mine. When I read something on a website that I don't necessarily agree with, or that I may or may not take offense to, I leave it. I don't stick around and tell the author my negative feelings toward it & then GO BACK to defend myself over & over. Bottom line, my heart was in the right place when using "retarded". Never ever ever ever would I use the word RETARD to describe a child, much less a disabled one. I don't know anyone in the world who would. Bottom BOTTOM line.. I was not targeting the disabled, so don't you dare accuse me of "mocking others" in front of my child. Despite what you may think from ONE word in my effing title, you don't know me. But seriously... thanks for your input. :-))

    3. I also think we should have a right to confront the accuser and hiding behind an account that was created this year this month shows you are a coward and have no backbone. Own your opinion. Or be like everyone else who wants an opinion but doesn't have a spine to own up to it.

  6. I am not going to comment on the PC BS other than to say, do you girl we know your intent! I am all about eating in moderation and working out! Though just looking at pizza makes me gain weight. Seriously my hips don't lie! ;) I would prefer to blog less. It gets overwhelming at times I need a break, and I take one!

  7. Oh Em, I just love you and your blog!!! You rock some major ass girlfriend!!!

  8. Marva! You are so retarded! But I still love you <3
    Seriously delightful my rock my stinky socks

  9. You have officially made it in the Blogging world, honey.

  10. "Cool grandma. Now go make me some delicious fudge." - giggz.

  11. all the drama can go fuck itself but this is a hilarious take on new years resolutions. even though i quickly had to check what my resolutions were to be sure i wasn't in the blog bitch part (whew, wasn't).

    your sarcasm is beyond ridiculous. we need to be besties right now.

    Vodka and Soda