sh*t my kid says // part 2

i laugh on the daily with homeboy.
he is the silliest little person i know.

i try to write down everything he says that i want to remember.
most of it is funny, some of it is like wtf?, some of it is tender...

//We're finishing up dinner & per the norm, Drey is arguing about finishing his.
Dad is a loser. Losers eat all of their dinner & winners save their dinner.
Oh yea, who told you that?
Um...? My heart.  
~
//It was a nice spring-ish day, we had a few hours before he needed to be dropped off at preschool..
Dreydan, what should we do today before preschool?
I think that you can just drop me off in a field & I'll dig up worms like dad.
Drop you off in a field?
Yea sure.
~
//Heyyyy stop that you're going to make my ice cream gross!
Tyler: Stop what?
Farting. It's getting on my ice cream.
~
//He walks over to me with a gloomy face.
Mom I'm still disappointed in you...
Why are you disappointed in me?
Because you ate all the chocolate covered strawberries.
As I'm eating the last one.. not ashamed.
~
//We were laughing & Ty was messing with us & I told Drey to tell him to 'shush'...
*yelling* DAD YOU BETTER SHUSH UP! YOU HEAD BUTT! CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN
IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!
*whispers* Did I say it right?
~
//Helping me with dinner.
Mom we should put some salt in this. Will you give it to me?
No it's good bud, it doesn't need salt.
*sighs* Well then I'm not going to eat this dinner. If it's going to be gross, I won't eat it.
~
//Drey & I were arguing about a little toy seal he has because he thinks its an otter.
It's an OTTER mom, you're wrong!
Drey it's a seal! Otters don't look like that.
NO! You're wrong!
YOU are wrong!
You're lying! That black man said it's an otter!
*thinking: the fuh??* Um.. what black man?
The black man who came to our house! HE said IT'S. AN. O-T-T-E-R!
*still thinking: THE FUH???* Dreydan, what black man?!
He came to our house yesterday! He's not lying about otters.
*ding ding ding!! Ty's polynesian friend. clearly a soft brown*
Herman?
Yea! Herman. He said it's an otter so you're lying.
Herman is wrong. I'm right. It's a seal. I'm your mom, listen to me.
Oh, it's a seal? Okay.
SMH.
~
//Drey what are you going to be when you grow up?
Basketball playerrrrr!!! Yeah!
Not football like dad?
No. Dad doesn't play football anymore. So I'm going to play basketball!
*insert tyler's heartbreak here*
Tyler: Okay buddy, you can play basketball.
Yea. So. That's what I'll be doing.
~
//Early morning, eating breakfast. Drey is slacking...
Dude. Please finish your cereal.
Mom if I don't finish all my breakfast then I don't get a treat?
That's right.
And I don't get to watch my cartoons?
Yup.
And I'll have to throw all my toys in the garbage?
Uhhh...? Yup.
And then I can't live anymore?
What? No that's not what I've ever said to you.
Oh. I thought it was a new rule.
*continues eating*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

did you miss part 1? go HERE to catch up!