sh*t my kids says // part 3

if you're a parent (or have been around kids enough for that matter), you know how weird kids are. they're so weird. the best little gifts ever, but so weird haha. at least mine is. and he says the craziest things! i get a kick out of our conversations, especially the older he gets. he's such a smart ass and believe me, he gets that from his daddy.

here is part 3 of sh*t my kid says...

>> always asking me the hard questions

drey: mom why is snow cold?
me: uuuhh? because the air is.
drey: yea but why?
me: because winter.. if it wasn't cold it would be rain.
drey: *sighs, grunts* mom! fine if you don't know then ask your phone. like when you ask where cupcakes places are.

>> putting me in my place

me: hey dude will you help me clean your toys up?
drey: sorry mom i don't think i can
me: why?
drey: cause i'm BUSY
me: doing what?
drey: mom you don't need my help, you do it by yourself all the time! you know? that's all you do is pick my toys up. so you can do it by yourself again today. be a big girl.
me: .....

>> trying to be sneaky

drey: mom i feel like i could just.... cry right now.
me: how come?
drey: because tonight is such a boring night and.... *fake sniffs* i don't think i'll be able to sleep or anything.
me: *feeling kinda bad* ... i'm sorry buddy, what will help you sleep?
drey: i don't think anything can. not even one thing! except maybeeeee..... ice cream. that's the only thing.
me: oh geez, you're not getting ice cream. nice try!
drey: i guess i'll just have to be sad for the rest of my life then. *walks away sulking*

>> he can dish it but he can't take it

drey: dad fight me!
*they start sword fighting*
drey: come on wussy princess! that all you got! *hits tys leg* yea your leg is chopped off! now what?! little girl! *swinging his sword, making sword noises or whatever, & hits ty again* oh yea! gotcha again! you're gonna be killed sucka!!
tyler: not before i kill you! *chops off dreys head* BOOM. killed ya, like a boss. *victory dance*
drey: DAD NO THAT DOESN'T COUNT! I HAVE 5 HEADS YOU CAN'T KILL ME! YOU'RE NOT PLAYING EVER AGAIN!
tyler: ooooh you sad cause you're the loser and i'm the winner? *taunting, obviously*
drey: NO I'M NOT THE LOSER YOU ARE! *starts crying* YOU'RE A LIAR CHEATER!
tyler: why you so mad, bro?
drey: cause you're not the winner, i am...
me: can't you guys just start over?
drey: mom this isn't about you. just go watch your show or something.

>> knowing he's a badass

drey: mom how do you spell 'rock'?
me: R O C K
drey: no.. how do you spell 'ROCK'?
me: R... O... C.... K...
drey: rock starts with a G not an R!
me: it starts with an R. sound it out...
drey: ruh ruh ruh... rrrrrock.....
me: ........
drey: .......
me: ........
drey: .......
me: well?
drey: yep! R! RGPFBK! that spells rock. oh yeaaa! i am the best speller i've ever seen.

>> making me swoon & shiz

drey: mom, just cause you're fat now doesn't mean you're not pretty. you're just... fat. but that's okay. when the baby comes out she will still think you're pretty too.

>> suddenly i'm not 'allowed' anymore

me: *i hand drey his scrubby with soap in the tub* wash good! get your arms, your toesies, your neck, your weiner, your -
drey: MOM! don't say that word anymore to me! it's not for you. only dad can tell me stuff like that.
me: what word? weiner?
drey: YES! and balls. don't say those words to me anymore.. just dad. you're a girl and they don't say that stuff.

>> and all the other randomness

can kids in japan swim?
if i ate only popcorn for the rest of my life, would i become a gorilla?
when i grow up, i am NOT sharing my toys with my wife. no way. she can get her own darth vader alarm clock.
when i was born, you know what i thought? i thought i was going to love the color blue, but i love red more.
if i start telling you a  p r e t t y scary story, are you going to cry? cause if you are i'm leavin!
what's a billion plus a billion plus a billion? WAIT! plus.... a billion! haha! don't know huh! nobody does. wait? maybe jesus does.
i'm not cleaning ANYTHING when i grow up. i'm not a girl.
sweet dreams, mom. dream about dinosaurs eatin' each other up and stuff.
mom... will you just be my mom and help me with this!
mom when i grow up and become a paleontologist, will you come on my digs with me? and buy me stuff?

the end! i could seriously go on forever & ever, but i'll stop haha.

for more check out part 1 & part 2.

what are the weird & funny things your kids say?

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